3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
