You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
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Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
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So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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