Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Someone came in the potted fern
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
