apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
