And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
