Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
How's work?
Spinning.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
