Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
