Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
