help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
