She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
