She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
