Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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