This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
