One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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