i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
