Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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