ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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