just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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