You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
