So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
