i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
