Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
