Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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