while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
