What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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