I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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