I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
