I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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