I got chris browned last night
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Just high enough for therapy.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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