If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
