I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
