Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She even gives head with a lisp.
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I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
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I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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