It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
