well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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