i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
