I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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