He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize