i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
