The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
is wine microwaveable?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
