Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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