I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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