im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
