Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I AM VODKA MAN
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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