its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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