i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
