We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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