dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
