Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
