I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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