you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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