she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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