The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize