if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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