I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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