We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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