I just made out with a guy for $7.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
