Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
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One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
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I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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