I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
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I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
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Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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