meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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