There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
