I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
