Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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