Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
