i need an iv and a liver transplant
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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